Top 10 Phrases from Bank Lobbyists and their Translation

bear marketMy Comments: On April 6, 2016, rules were introduced into the US financial system that will cause more of us to treat our clients better. At least that’s the plan.

Wall Street firms have been resisting this change for years, and while the following Top 10 Reasons Why are tongue in cheek, there’s a whole lot more truth here than most of us choose to believe.

1) This new standard will limit investors’ choice of retirement options.
“This new standard will definitely limit my choice of yachts.”

2) Investors will “go it alone” and screw up their asset allocation.
“My Wolf of Wall Street theme party will have a totally inadequate seafood buffet.”

3) Rather than provide advice, advisors will sit on their hands for fear of legal reprisals associated with a fiduciary standard.
“Shhh. Don’t tell anyone there is a robust independent advisor ecosystem already available in the economy.”

4) New, innovative products will not be introduced to the marketplace.
“New, highly profitable, poor performing products will not be introduced to the marketplace.”

5) It’s not about the price you pay, but rather, the value you receive.
“It’s not about the price they pay, it’s about the soft dollars, revenue shares, and kickbacks we receive.”

6) Our legislative partners stand ready to protect investors and the middle class.
“We have taken every Congressman out for a lovely steak dinner and we will continue to do so.”

7) We have the best facilities in the world to provide cutting edge research and leading market insights.
“We pay the highest rent in Manhattan and hired a bunch of busted PhD students who can write fancy equations.”

8) Our robust advisor network fully leverages our economies of scale to provide superior service.
“We send our advisors canned reports and shoddy back office services and charge them 50% of their revenues.”

9) We have been in the business for centuries.
“We have been exploiting clients for centuries.”

10) Our clients see the value we provide. They understand that we are well worth the price.
“Please don’t go to Vanguard. Please don’t go to Vanguard. Please don’t go to Vanguard.”

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