My Comments: I now have a collection of over 20,000 images, taken by me and my parents that reflects not only our stuff, but where we were, when it happened and what. Things like my father on a tractor in Vermont in 1924. It’s taking forever to get it organized. I’m trying to leave a record of what we’ve accumulated over the past 80 years and beyond and what my memories tell me when I see them while I still have an active and functional brain. What follows written by Eric Reich is relevant for all of us nearing the end of our lives.

Among those many images are pictures taken by my parents and grandparents focused on their lives. I’m prepared to trash everything but not until I have everything digitized and on the cloud somewhere. We have pictures of stuff from our early childhood that evoke memories for us but will have almost no relevance to our children’s lives, much less our grandchildren. Places we went before they were born or after they moved into homes of their own. The goal is to help them remember us to the extent they want to remember us and trash the rest of it. But that’s just the images that I have. My daughter said to make sure the file name includes as much as possible the When, Who, What and Where. Think of a photo of my grandmother when she was born in 1864.

We also have physical stuff. An example is a wooden children’s wagon now sitting on a shelf in my office. It first appeared in a photograph taken in 1916 by my grandmother with my father pulling his younger sister around the farm. I also have pics of my grandson in the same wagon taken 100 years later with him riding in the wagon. That memory may be very relevant for our grandson 50 years from now.

The challenge for my wife and I is to find a way to keep all the stuff together in such a way that whoever follows us can decide if it’s important to them or to get rid of it. The following post appeared 3 years ago and suggests I need to get input from our kids whether they want things like the wagon or are they simply OK with photographs of it. Mr. Reich puts it all in a different perspective. I now have to finish the memory stuff and get real about all the physical stuff. I believe this is relevant for all of us nearing the end of our lives.

By T. Eric Reich / 29 MAR 1921 / https://tinyurl.com/2jk9n987

I know I’m going to get a few calls about this one but hear me out. We talk a lot about managing your estate and strategies for making the most of an inheritance, but what we don’t often talk about is what to do with your “stuff” and the realities that surround that.

When helping people with their estate planning, we obviously cover the big issues, such as IRA or retirement plan beneficiary info, wills, trusts, power of attorney and advance directives (or POLST). We review titling of the assets in your estate with your CPA or attorney. But what we often don’t talk about is what to do with all of your stuff.

The reality is that what you want to happen with your stuff is often not what your heirs want to do with it.

What about your family home?

Let’s start with the big one, your house. This is the one people balk at the most, but here goes. Your kids don’t want your house. I know you think they do, but they really don’t. In most cases, even when they do, it would be impractical for them to buy it anyway.

How are three kids going to “share” my house? There’s no way that’s going to work, even though the idea of them sharing a shore house sounds nice. The reality is that they likely can’t share it and forcing them to do so will almost certainly lead to hard feelings. Somebody is going to get more use of it than the others, and that’s where the problems start.

If one of them wants to buy out the others, that’s fine — but what are the terms in which they can buy it? Do they get a “discount” because they are family? Doesn’t that hurt the others’ value for the same reason?

What about your beach/vacation house?

Sometimes I hear that “I want them to have a place to go to in the summer.” I had a situation not long ago where a client really wanted a grandchild to have the beach house. Carrying the house was actually causing financial issues for her, but she didn’t want to give it up so she could pass it on. The heir lived out of state, but she really wanted them to have it. I asked if she ever discussed those wishes with her heir, and she had not, but then again, who doesn’t want a house at the shore? Turns out quite a few people don’t.

Finally, I suggested we call the heir and have that conversation. The heir, as I suspected, loved the idea of a house at the Jersey Shore but didn’t really want it because they simply wouldn’t have time to ever visit it and the long-distance upkeep, maintenance, etc. would be added stress for them.

With this new information, my client decided to let the house go, live a far more comfortable retirement and leave to her heir what they really wanted, cash.

I see this scenario time and again. Yes, your home holds a lot of sentimental value to you and your heirs, but the reality of them keeping it rarely ever works out.

What about your treasured collections?

Now for the smaller stuff. While your collection of Hummels, model trains, baseball cards, (insert collectible here) is your hobby and passion, rarely does that continue to your heirs. If they don’t share your passion for those collectibles, they may be likely to sell them for less than their full value when they inherit them because they don’t fully understand their true value as a collectible.

What about your china service for 24?

Lastly, your beautiful china. Understand that there are only so many sets of china that your kids or grandchildren can use. The effect of passing them on for generations has created a glut of china for younger people. Add to this the fact that younger generations simply don’t use china at all compared to older generations, let alone using four to five sets of it.

If the goal is to make your estate transfer as easy as possible and with as few problems or family scuffles as possible, then addressing some of these issues now may well help to solve these problems.

The bottom line, and some practical tips

If you aren’t sure how your heirs feel about inheriting your “stuff,” then the easiest course of action is simply to ask them. I think you’ll be surprised with the answer. Then get busy:

• Start selling. Sell items that you don’t need any more that might have some value. EBay and Etsy are great places to start, or heck, have a garage sale.
• Donate things others could use. Goodwill and Salvation Army could do some good with your generosity, and the work you do to gather your donations and get them where they need to go is just like volunteering, which always feels good.
• Make it fun. Going through your things bit by bit can be a shared activity with your spouse or loved ones. Think about all the conversations and memories you’ll share along the way as you declutter.
• Enjoy the results. Your house will feel bigger and the weight on your shoulders will feel lighter. Your kids will thank you, too.